A few years back, I was lost. When I look back I realize those were wonder years. I was carefree, scared, searching for something, someone and just being lost. I was ignorant.

I am still a seeker, but the questions have changed. Now that I understand a lot of why's and a lot of truths I wonder about the futility and predictability of it all. I look for a higher meaning and a reason.

But that’s still is not what bothers me the most.

With the coming of self awareness has also come a sense of clarity and understanding of myself and the functioning of world around me. But it has also taken a way a lot.

I now realize why I act the way I do, why I feel the way I do, my thinking pattern, my feeling pattern, my highs, my lows, my quirks, my functioning..

It’s like being separating SELF from your URSELF and just looking at U. And it’s scary.

Its like being master of urself and realizing ur slave to it all!!!!!!!!!. It almost makes u cry out loud. Makes you wonder if they meant the same thing when they said 'Ignorance is Bliss'

Like gr8 bouts of highs and lows, this brings about a gr8 plateau. The biggest irony is that gr8 plateau is also a gr8 plateau of restlessness. It not that you stop feeling, it’s just that ur ability to understand, interpret and hence not emote or express it magnifies. For now u KNOW what you 'SEEK' and it is only that what you seek!!. Anything else does not excite you and what makes you restless is the rarity of what you seek!!

Phew!

Saw the new Nokia 5300 Ad. Like it very much.
Gr8 music.

"Digital Love" by Daft Punk

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long

Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true

Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
We'll make this dream come true

Why don't you play the game ?
Why don't you play the game ?


Also like the new Sony Ericsson ads! (I 'LOGO' Music). What a gr8 commercial!!. 10/10 for idea, targeted audience and execution. Brilliant.

Imagine

You 'like' someone.
That 'someone' also 'likes' you.

You are both CASUAL AQUANTAINCES at the moment. Both want something more.
You go to an event where that someone is also present. You were hoping but not expecting that person to be there. As are also several of your common acquaintances.

All through the event you stick to a corner. BECAUSE the way you feel about that certain someone, your unable to go up and say Hello. You don't want others to
notice.

The situation becomes so bad that you almost end up ignoring that 'someone'.

Now sometime later you do the usual thing. You 'try to converse' ‘move forward’. You notice certain stiffness, certain reluctance perhaps.

THIS continues. Nothing is being said, but you can sense it...its evident.

You realize 'WHY'

Being the person you are, you ASK -- if anything is wrong or did any of you actions caused some issue

-- 'No, Not at all'
-- 'Alright'

Hence you go back being where you were and you try again.
Same story..only more so, its almost an unsaid anger!. Like the person is confused weather to be angry or not!

Your budding relationship is in jeopardy.

1. You apologize?....And how do you assume you DID something....... wrong? and apologize for what? feeling
the way yo do... 2. Does the other person realize WHY you acted the way you did?3. And if nothing 'IS' wrong, then.......?


Imagine again

You 'like' someone.That 'someone' also 'likes' you.
It feels nice and natural.

Now you go to a event after a long absence of sorts. You hope to meet that 'someone'. You are with few of your buddies and other common acquaintances.

Its a warm sunny day and you wud like to say Hello.

You try but someone is just not looking you way. 'WHY'. You think its rude. You feel hurt ?
Another day someone says 'Hi'. Like always the person smiles.....Do you see a smirk?. You are angry?


How do you show your anger to a 'Casual Acquaintance’? You want an apology??.

-- ' Is anything wrong, did you mind my......'
-- ' Off course not' (don't you see it!!!!)
-- 'Alright'

'What??'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a ordinary cool winter evening and i was a with one of my best pals. We were walking down a nondescript road in a lower middle class locality. We were out shopping after a long time and hopping to have a good time. As we were walking, i noticed a really old hawker sitting down on the pavement and moaning. His cart stood aside indicating he had dismounted just a moment ago. He was old, with sparse disheveled white hair. As we approached closer we could see was breathing heavy and was in gr8 discomfort. His legs were out in front on him and he was pressing his chest while shaking to and fro. He was really old. A women, probably his wife sat next to him was rubbing his arm. I am not sure but I think there was also a very small kid beside. Out of curiosity and concern I stared at the guy, his wife looked up and our eyes met. They were just that..just eyes, looking. I wonder if I caught a glimpse of concern in them. But that was all.

"What’s wrong with him"
"I don't know..he seems sick."
"He looks very sick..i think he just collapsed on the road"
"Is he having a heart attack?"
"I don't know ..should we do anything"
"What.."

We kept walking...

I kept turning and looking back.....the women looked at me again...nothing.

"He is just too old"
"I think he was coughing"
"I am a bit shaken"
"I guess he wud be okay..he was just coughing"

I was distressed, i felt like going back..doing something. What?

We turned at the end of the road. I felt sick, i felt chocked as i thought about the old man. probably he was dying!
A lump appeared in my throat, My friend could sense it.... we both kept walking..........