A few years back, I was lost. When I look back I realize those were wonder years. I was carefree, scared, searching for something, someone and just being lost. I was ignorant.

I am still a seeker, but the questions have changed. Now that I understand a lot of why's and a lot of truths I wonder about the futility and predictability of it all. I look for a higher meaning and a reason.

But that’s still is not what bothers me the most.

With the coming of self awareness has also come a sense of clarity and understanding of myself and the functioning of world around me. But it has also taken a way a lot.

I now realize why I act the way I do, why I feel the way I do, my thinking pattern, my feeling pattern, my highs, my lows, my quirks, my functioning..

It’s like being separating SELF from your URSELF and just looking at U. And it’s scary.

Its like being master of urself and realizing ur slave to it all!!!!!!!!!. It almost makes u cry out loud. Makes you wonder if they meant the same thing when they said 'Ignorance is Bliss'

Like gr8 bouts of highs and lows, this brings about a gr8 plateau. The biggest irony is that gr8 plateau is also a gr8 plateau of restlessness. It not that you stop feeling, it’s just that ur ability to understand, interpret and hence not emote or express it magnifies. For now u KNOW what you 'SEEK' and it is only that what you seek!!. Anything else does not excite you and what makes you restless is the rarity of what you seek!!

Phew!